Kaleidoscope
by whimsycality
Summary: Glimpses into the life and soul of a reincarnated Queen, a traitor, a girl. Collection of loosely connected drabbles, all Tess POV, some canon, some not. Will have both UC and CC pairings referenced.
1. Carrion

**Title:** Kaleidoscope**  
>Spoilers: <strong>All of Roswell is up for grabs**  
>Disclaimer:<strong> I own absolutely nothing, all characters and original Roswell settings belong to other very lucky people.**  
>PairingsCouples/Category:** UC/CC/AU**  
>Rating:<strong> Teen**  
>Warnings:<strong> There will be references to death, sex, violence, and the use of adult language, as well as plenty of angst, but nothing too explicit. If needed, more specific warnings will be posted.

**Summary:** Glimpses into the life and soul of a reincarnated Queen, a traitor, a girl. Collection of loosely connected drabbles, all Tess POV, some canon, some not.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Carrion<em>**

They had been coming home from the orientation for her latest school when a cat darted across the road and their wheels rolled over it with a soft crunch. Tess had gasped, her heart leaping into her throat as hot tears stung at the corners of her eyes. Nasedo didn't even flinch. When they arrived at their new house in the suburbs and he had seen that she was still crying, tears running silently down her cheeks, he had yanked her out of the car and given an exasperated sigh. "It's just an animal, Tess."

Years later when she was just entering puberty, an agent had caught up with them, and there on the side of the road Nasedo had used her as bait, placing his hand on the man's back and burning him up from the inside out as he bent to check the small blonde lying on the asphalt. She had felt the man's hand grow cold and limp as it fell from her wrist and once again felt the burning sting of tears. That time Nasedo hadn't bothered to say anything, just watched her with cold eyes, but she could hear the words in her head anyways. 'It's just a human, Tess.'

When he had decided it was time to approach the others, inform them of their destiny, they had passed several dead animals on the long drive through the desert, the steaming carrion seeming to be an oddly fitting symbol for this new stage in her life. As thoughts of what the others would be like, and thoughts of the enemies and dangers she would now be expected to face crossed her mind, she couldn't help but wonder how her guardian would react if she ended up a carcass, rotting on the side of some desert road. Would he callously tell the others 'It's just Tess' before leading them away?

Glancing over at his icy face and granite eyes, she resolutely pushed the thought away, she was the Queen, of course he would care if she died.

It almost worked to silence the small voice that said she was kidding herself if she thought he would have any reaction at all. Almost.


	2. Goal and Ash

**_Goal and Ash_**

The first time she looked at Michael as more than just the one of member of her family who actually wanted to talk to her once they learned of her true nature, was also the first time she realized that a large part of her didn't give a flying fuck if Max didn't want her in this life. What did it matter in the end? There was only one goal here, to get him to sleep with her, their biology would do the rest, and she knew with every last bit of humanity in her that he didn't have to want her to have sex with her. There were plenty of other emotions, or lack thereof, that could lead to the act in question.

Michael did want her. Not as a woman or sex object, he wanted to learn what she had to teach, preferably with as few words as possible. It gave her a feeling of power, of control, that had been sadly lacking in her life this time around. And as she taught him what he wanted to know she found herself wanting him back, wanting to crawl inside his skin and devour him from the inside out so that he would be as hollow and empty as she was. So that she wouldn't be alone with her deadened soul.

Part of him wanted that too, she could see it in the way he would watch her sometimes after a blast training session would bring back violent memories of the man he killed. He wanted that cold demeanor that she displayed, that casual ability to brush off death, murder, betrayal, as nothing more than inconveniences.

It took him a while to accept that their goals were the same, but one day in the desert after she had painstakingly coached him through the subtle use of power needed to send three stones looping around each other in the air, after he had failed yet again to accomplish the task and she had snapped at him for letting his emotions get in the way, he decided to go for the goal in the most direct way possible.

Later, as the sweat and red dirt on their skin dried into rusty streaks under the hot desert wind, their eyes met and she saw something missing in his gaze. The tiny sliver of innocence and hope that neither growing up afraid, angry, out cast, nor his foster father's beatings had been able to take away, was now gone. The goal had been achieved, another soul had been claimed as the realization that it didn't matter who was alien or human, life sucked either way, was made.

Victory tasted like ashes and Tabasco and she relished it with one last cold caress of her lips against his, Nasedo would be so proud.


	3. Fork

**_Fork_**

Her path forked, in this life and the last. Call it fate, destiny, chance, whatever you may want, but she'd never been given a straight road to walk on. In the last she was the younger cousin of Larek, heir to the throne of Antar's sister planet, whose greatest aspiration was to maybe sit on his council of advisors someday. Then Larek had invited her to a party for the visiting Antarian delegation and her life changed the instant he introduced her to his best friend Zan. She never wanted to be Queen, never sought out something so public and controlled, but it came to her anyways and she did the best she could to live up to everyone's expectations, including her own.

She liked to think that despite the occasional mistake, she was a good Queen, until she died, fast and painful as she cradled her dead husband's body in her arms.

In this life her path changed before she was even reborn, a new fork determined not by those who sent her, but by Nasedo, her supposed protector. Instead of the loving, loyal Queen who tried her hardest for her husband and her new people she was raised to be a traitor and a killer. It pained her to admit that she learned her lessons well, was an apt pupil to every coldblooded message he forced down her throat. There were times she gave serious thought to ignoring his plans, even to telling the others the truth, but in the end nurture won out over nature. Or so she liked to tell herself.

She liked to think that it was a pair of doe brown eyes that pushed her over that edge from intent to action, down the path of no return. Eyes so sweet and forgiving as they followed her husband around with an adoring gaze and even tried to push him back in her, his wife's, direction. But she knew the truth, it was blue eyes, not brown, that sealed her fate.

The blue eyes of Kyle Valenti as he cared for her, but not the way she wanted. The blue eyes of Alex as they clouded over every time she took his mind until they blanked in death. The blue eyes she saw staring out at her every time she looked in the mirror, as lifeless as a porcelain doll's.

Both forks were planned for her, both roads determined by hands not her own, but in the end she chose her own fate and feeling the rumble of the Granolith as it propelled her into the dark void above she wished she'd been given a third option. A fork that would have lead her to anywhere, anything, but this. No longer beloved wife and Queen, now her adopted people would know her as a murderer, traitor, whore.


	4. Liquid

**_Liquid_**

The world was shiny and bright and she was alone, the pulsing heartbeats of her companions no longer soothing her restless thoughts. It was why she had awakened, feeling the loss as the bond stretched and stretched until it finally snapped, family not as strong as fear.

Pulling and tearing she made her way out of the pod, coated in sticky, viscous liquid that pooled around her on the cold stone floor as she fell to the ground. The cold seeped into her body, matching the empty ache inside where the others should be, and she began to shake.

They were supposed to here. She didn't really know who they were, she couldn't remember no matter how hard she tried, but she knew they weren't here and she was all alone and everything was horribly wrong.

She didn't know how long she huddled there in the dark cave, too afraid to go searching in case the others came back, but it felt like forever before a sudden glow and a soft creak announced that she wasn't alone anymore.

It wasn't one of the others, it was someone tall and vaguely menacing, but he reached out a hand to her and after a moment of hesitation she took it. Someone had come for her and she didn't have to be alone anymore.


	5. Recipe

**_Recipe_**

She liked to bake, which seemed odd given her strict orders to avoid human foibles. But appearing normal was part of their cover and Nasedo had learned of Earth culture during a decade where the women cooked and the men worked, so she was able to get away with it. She liked the control, the precise measurements, the fact that if you added all of the proper ingredients in the proper order, things would turn out perfectly.

It was the same approach she took to Max, deciding on the perfect recipe for matchmaking. Add one beautiful blonde to a group of people that seemed cohesive on the surface, but were riddled with invisible fault lines. Stir in some mental suggestions and the right body language, then spice with just the perfect touch of knowing innocence. Let it simmer for a while and then bring to a boil with an 'unexpected' encounter and an aura of vulnerability. It was of no surprise to her that the recipe worked, and Max pressing his lips to hers as they stood in the rain gave her the same feeling of satisfaction she got when she pulled a perfectly baked pan of cupcakes out of the oven.


	6. Meadow

**_Meadow_**

It was the first memory of their previous life that she had recovered, and part of her still wasn't sure if it was a real memory, or just the wishful thinking of a lonely child. She had never shared it with Nasedo, he was only interested in memories that involved the Royal Four and especially Zan, and always focused on those during their increasingly unpleasant sessions.

This memory was before she had met any of them, before she was old enough to think of love or war or death. It was innocent, happy, peaceful, none of which were things Nasedo wanted her to feel. So she treasured it silently, a small private moment of warmth that kept her going during those moments when she just wanted to anger him enough that he killed her. She did have a backup after all, something he was all too fond of reminding her of.

It was vague, sensations and images with no words. The grass was pale, almost white, and both softer and thicker than the grass on Earth. The flowers were equally pale, faint blushes of color all the more beautiful for their subtlety. She was laughing, spinning in circles under the soft rosy light of the sun. She got dizzy and fell down, giggling like mad. When she regained her feet, she saw a figure standing on the other side of the meadow and felt an overwhelming surge of love and safety as she ran to join the tall and lovely woman, her mother.

Tears pricked at Tess's eyes as she unpacked her last box in their newest house and stared at the picture frame she had just unearthed; Nasedo standing behind her with a forced smile at her sixth grade graduation. Maybe it was wishful thinking and maybe it was a memory but she would give anything for something that perfect to be reality. She would sacrifice anything to experience a love that strong and pure and undemanding in this lifetime, anything to experience love at all.


	7. Allow

**_Allow_**

The meaning of the word allow was the one of the first concepts that Tess learned after Nasedo came for her. In his eyes obedience was above Godliness, or cleanliness, and she learned very quickly that if she did anything that hadn't been prefaced by that all important word, the consequences would be severe, and painful.

Unfortunately for a young, strong willed, child, obedience was not easy, especially as the 'protector' was not consistent with commands. Sometimes she was forbidden to ask questions, and sometimes if she did not ask he would punish her for her obvious lack of desire to learn. Sometimes she was allowed to practice and hone her powers, and several times he beat her black and blue for daring to change the color of her shirt in the car on the way to school.

Eventually she learned to accept, to obey, to submerge her will into his despite his instability. It was simpler, safer, but that strong willed girl never truly disappeared, and sometimes she would crawl into the empty shell she used to live in, and peer out of suddenly steely blue eyes, and choose to Not obey.

Those moments were inevitably punished but they were also undeniably worth it.


	8. Radiant

_**Radiant**_

The knee length dress was pink and it shimmered in the light. She had gotten a candy necklace out of one of the quarter machines at the mall and manipulated it into a silver chain with a teardrop rose quartz that sparkled over the sweetheart neckline, which hinted at her newly developed cleavage. Her hair was down in soft loose curls and the short height she so despised was elevated several inches by the matching pink heels.

Laughingly softly in delight, she let her hand trail down the soft, radiant material and smiled as she saw a matching glow in her eyes. She looked beautiful.

A loud thud echoed through the house as the front door closed and all of the blood drained from her face as the dizzy feeling of fear replaced her giddiness. He was home.

Her heart pounded against her chest and she clutched at her throat, unable to think through the haze of terror. He would never believe that the dance was a necessary part of her human disguise; at best he would let her go and kill the boy later for daring to touch a member of Antarian royalty, at worst…

Her bedroom door opened and she saw him in the mirror, the cold smug look in his eyes telling her that he had known all along and timed his arrival perfectly. Closing her eyes she held back her tears as his hands settled onto her shoulders, when the pain started she held that perfect, radiant, image of herself in her mind's eye and refused to scream.

She was beautiful, she was a queen, and she could survive anything.


	9. Discovery

**_Discovery_**

She had seen many expressions on Nasedo's face over the years. Yes, he had perfected the blank and stoic look long before she hatched, but when you lived with someone long enough, you learned their tells. This was even more true when you were a scared little girl who needed to know every way possible to prevent the moods that caused her pain.

But she had never seen the burning light of discovery in his dark and empty eyes before and it terrified her on a whole new level. She knew it had nothing to do with finding the others as he pretended, he had known where they were all along, although he had chosen to never inform her _or_ them of that fact.

But he had learned something, or found something, and whatever it was, she knew in the depths of her soul that it would mean the doom of them all.


	10. Hatred

**_Hatred_**

Tess didn't know love, not truly. She had memories of another life that was filled with it, she saw it when she quietly observed the humans around her, and dreamed of it with a frequency and intensity that sometimes unsettled her. But she didn't really understand it, didn't know it, couldn't feel it deep down.

Hatred on the other hand, was something she was very familiar with, something she identified with, something she could not remember not feeling, and could describe with intimate detail.

She hated those who had caused her death in her first life, those who had torn away her last true glimpse of happiness. She hated the others for leaving her in that cave, for not trying to waken her, for not staying to make sure she was safe.

She hated Nasedo for separating her from them, for deciding to raise her instead of placing her in a normal human family. She hated him for hurting her, for controlling her, for assuming that she would always do as he bid even though that meant betraying the only family she had ever known and ever wanted.

But most of all she hated herself for letting him hurt her, letting him control her, and not being strong enough to say no until it was far too late.


End file.
